Have a look and a great start in this new week.

Videos:

While we were downtown we passed Grant St. Every time I'm down there I think of him. Then again, I always think of him...I don't know why but I always have the urge to go to the house, sit in the driveway. I'm not sure if it's about closure or what, there's just a nagging feeling I have about it. I have this scenario in my head where I go to the house, break in, and then just stand in his doorway...my old doorway. Awhile ago I spoke with Demry and he said that he would probably throw-up if he went in that room. I wish I didn't feel the need to do this, I just can't get it out of my head. Somehow, for some reason, I think I'd feel some sense of peace about doing that. I guarantee if I could drive my car right now I would have already done it. I just miss him, so much...everyday.

The counselor, my previous counselor, insisted that I am angry with him for doing it. He always asked the same question, phrasing it in different ways:

"Are you angry with your friend?"

"Do you ever swear at him, call him names for doing what he did?"

One time he even wrote his name on a piece of paper and had me talk to it as if it were really him. When I spoke the counselor would respond, acting as his voice. He asked again:

"Are you angry with me, Clint? I don't want you to do it, I wish I wouldn't have. Now I realize everything I'm missing out on. Don't do it or I'll be mad at you."

Here I am sitting, talking to a sheet of white paper that is somehow supposed to resemble my best friend, and he wants me to pour my heart out to it.

But I always gave him the same answer when he asked if I were angry at him:

"No! I'm not! If anything I applaud him. He had the courage to do something I can't. He got out, I'm still stuck here. He made it look so easy, so tempting. But I've felt like this long before November, I've had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that it would happen...that I would be the one to do it."

And kneeling down at his side that cold November day I told him that. I told him that if either of us were to do it, if either of us were to leave the other behind, it would have been me. Not him. It would have been me...But I was wrong.

I am the type of person who wants to understand everything about what happens in my life. I study things intently to find out what affects me on a daily basis. I study what is happening to my brain and why there is a chemical imbalance. I study the way I feel: I can't count how many books on "depression" and "grief after a suicide" I've checked out. Titles like "An Atlas of Depression", "You're Not Alone", "The Suicidal Mind", "Writers on Depression". But they never help. No matter how many pages I flip through the pain never recedes, it doesn't lessen my anxiety.  It's sad. It's sad that the first place I look in a library or at a bookstore is the self-help section. I hate it, I hate being the weak person who feels sorry for themselves and thinks a book is going to solve all of their problems. I hate that the medicine I keep taking does nothing but give me all of the worst side effects. I hate that I can't ever sleep. I hate that I've been doctoring for three years and I've only gotten worse over time...I hate that I once told Donny that I was taking antidepressants and he replied "Why? What do you have to be depressed about?" in the most sarcastic tone imaginable.

I hate it.
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How can you end your life when you already feel that you've died?.

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Sorry for ranting...

Denke, so eine Veranstaltung kann ich Jutta mal zumuten. Sie hat immer eine so große Klappe - jetzt soll sie mal zeigen, was dahinter steckt. Stattfinden tut das Ganze am 1. und 2. November in Berlin. Freu mich schon - und wenn einer ein paar wertvolle Barcamp-Tipps hat... immer her damit!

Rembemer these are the people who say Bush is dumb but he master minded some kind of globular oil conspiracy!

Im not the only on who sees thrugh Obama's emporer new cloathes. Obambi is another web blog that tells it like is and calls a spade for a spade. You can find his web blog here:

http://obambi.wordpress.com/

Everybody shuld go read that.

Here's some stuff I learnt:

1. Obama is secretely gay!!!
2. Hes a pupet to!
3. His berth certificate is FAKE! It says a gimp said so, I don't really understand that part. Maybe someone can explain?
4. Look how dum he is!!

I put the OBAMI web blog on my blog role.

last summer, i flirted outrageously with a boy i'd liked forever, and we had some really good times. it continued through about November of last year, nothing happening, we were both so incredibly shy. i quit Explorer Scouts, where I had met him, so we didn't see each other all that often. it was pushed to the back of my mind until a few weeks ago, when he drunkenly confessed to liking me. and i was stunned, i didn't know how i felt because i hadn't seen him in so long. Well on Sunday, he came to visit at work and not only did that surprise me, the huge wave of butterflies returned and put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. I am terrified, excited, anxious, amazed and curious all at once. i am just going to let it happen. for once. just go with it, and not plan, and not worry, and not think, "what if?". oh,

i love the summertime.

(Videos from the Obama-Clinton rally on Friday)

A video about house partying for change, which took place yesterday

We have 24 hours left to donate for Barack in June. It will be the first big test for this movement. Why? Listen to David Plouffe (Obama's campaign manager):

So now, you have the strategy of the Obama campaign. And we, everyone in this country, have to help elect Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America.
We've had House-Parties for change yesterday and today we will donate to Obama's campaign. We will free ourselves from a broken system. We will declare once and again our independence. Declare your independence today as well by clicking on the following banner and donating $25 to our movement. We need YOU!

Under California law, once a residential property is in default for five years, it can be sold at a tax sale to recover the unpaid taxes for the taxpayers.

The McCains own at least seven homes through a variety of trusts and corporations controlled by Cindy McCain.

(Source)

November

1943

-Aleksandr Tvardovsky (Translated by me)

This weekend, Obama supporters will be opening their homes to people in their communities for Unite for Change meetings -- in over 3,000 4,000 homes, in all 50 states. The goal is to come together -- as Democrats who supported other candidates in the primary, as well as Independents and even Republicans -- to unite behind common values and build a volunteer organization in cities and towns across the country.

You can find a meeting near you and RSVP today.

It doesn't matter if you've been with us since the beginning or if you're just tuning into the process now, our goal is to reach out to anyone who is tired of the politics of the past and looking for new solutions to the challenges we're facing.

All you need to do is show up on Saturday -- and maybe bring a friend or two.

-- And while you're at it, declare your independence from a broken system:

(More infos about this rally here)

And tomorrow, we will have this big event. It's the "Unite for Change" day in America. Obama's campaign reported earlier this week, that there would be over 3,000 events this Saturday.
It doesn't matter if you joined this movement in February 2007 or in January 2008 or in June 2008 or even today, EVERYONE can take action and be a part of this amazing event.

Let's change this country. We can do it. Together, we can!

So I've been off work for close to six or seven months now, but nothing has gotten better. They told me to take a break and "find myself" after November. Not happening, I'm afraid. I'm no closer to finding myself than humanity is to finding its purpose. So I suppose it would be easier just to say, I am lost.

There are two people whom I wish would come to their senses about this whole ordeal, two siblings. One refuses to call and check up and the other insists on trading my life for money. Sad situation, not much I can do about it but bide my time. Biding time...hmm, not as easy as it sounds, Biding time only works until you start gasping for air at the bottom of the ocean, it won't keep you alive. So to those two souls who will never read these words: You are making my life feel less valuable and are causing me to reach for life in places where none is granted. At unspecified times it takes one of many forms but is always capable of accomplishing the same task. I find myself meandering around the idea, the feeling. It keeps me grounded, I think, however odd that may sound to your ears. It's a recollection of why I've stayed here so long to begin with, it's my short life flashing before my eyes. I look at pictures of myself often and imagine I were looking at a young man who has moved on, a person who couldn't handle what life had thrown at him. The worst part of looking at that man in the picture is not knowing that it is me. I want to think that it is some other poor man who is lucky to not have to feel this way, that somehow he's been spared. But I'm wrong, I'm always wrong when I look at his face. Always wrong when I ask him if it's alright if I give up now, for he only responds in echoes.

Okay...Enough of the dreary, self-pity. I shouldn't have even made a place for it in my thoughts, but still it always finds a way inside. Complaining has granted nothing to no one, that's a life lesson for you. If you have problems it's best to not share them with others, for they might stop listening, if you were lucky enough to have them listen to begin with. Everyone is built different, has different tolerances to pain, both mental and physical, but all share a deeper, broader fault that has incessantly been the cause of human sadness for untold generations: we have the ability to think and therefore, in thinking, we discover the ability to despair.

Currently Listening To: Sigur Rós - Viðrar vel til loftárása

Das Spiel sollte laut Cliffy B "Bigger! Better! More badass!" als Gears of War 1, so werden neue Waffen eingefügt wie ein Flammenwerfer.
Des Weiteren ist Epic stolz auf die Kettensägenduelle, die man im Spiel erleben kann.
Ein neuer Multiplayermodus ist der "Meat Flag" Mode, dabei muss man ein Gegnerischen Spieler fangen und ihm als Schild benutzen bis zur eigenen Basis.

Den Kompletten Bericht könnt ihr hier lesen und Bilder betrachten: Gears Of War 2 Multiplayer

Release ist  November 2008 für die Xbox 360, PC spieler müssen Warten (mindestens 6 Monate)!

Quelle: IGN

From: http://www.writeinronpaul.com/services

How TO! ...

The voter wishing to participate in this Write-in campaign will go to the polls and vote as usual, but with the following four simple EXCEPTIONS:

*   On the regular printed ballot there can be found 3-6 BLANK LINES for Write-in vote entries – or, in the case of mechanical/electronic voting devices; simply ask the Precinct Captain for instruction to effect “Write-in” voting, using the subject device, then;

*     Using a ball-point pen for paper (or by the available system method); Write-in the NAME and OFFICE of voter’s CHOICE of candidate[s], e.g.: “Ron Paul, for President” then complete the Ballot selections - OTHER THAN the Office[s] already voted by Write-in;

*     Make NOTE of the SPECIFIC DESCRIPTION for the voting system used, as well as the PRECINCT ID,PHYSICAL ADDRESS of the voting place used, then immediately thereafter - and THIS IS CRUCIAL; and

*     USE THAT INFO TO Complete the Affidavit form – designed for this purpose & available by request, with instruction for its usage, at Our “Contact Us” page. ...

Then; HAVE the NOTARIZED Affidavit SCANNED into a Word.doc file, which YOU E-MAIL TO Us, USING THE SECURE SYSTEM decribed in the instruction sheet - THUS CREATING a SECURE RECORD, SHOULD Vote COUNT LITIGATION BECOME NECESSARY!!!

Das COOP-Spektakel "LEFT 4 DEAD" hat endlich einen Releasetermin und zwar den 4 November 2008 für PC und XBOX 360, eine PS3 version wurde noch nicht angekündigt!

Valve's Doug Lombardi bestätigte IGN diesen Termin, aber wir wir alle Valve kennen dürfen wir darauf nicht vertrauen "ValveTime"

Quelle: IGN

Bill Clinton has issued a one-sentence endorsement for Obama via spokesman Matt McKenna:

"President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next president of the United States," McKenna said.

Clinton won't be with his wife and Obama at their joint rally later this week in Unity, New Hampshire, (…)

(Source: Politico.com)