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From Wonkette...

That’s former Senator Bill Frist you see speaking on tonight’s redesigned RNC stage, with a lovely projection of the African plains at dusk as his backdrop. You know what else is a projection? The massive black cock on which he’s standing.

And then HE came in.  He is beautiful.  Must be nearly seven feet tall, but might as well be 20.  Slim, rugged good looks, soothing soft spoken voice and noticeably lacking in the abject pretension that I've grown accustomed to dealing with in my company.  Also, he's black, so if the stereotype holds...  Perhaps I'd never go back.  And again, he has children, (I assume a wife) and he's probably straight as a rule-- well, a yard stick.  None the less, the day get's a little brighter when he walks in the door.  He works for our in-house construction "company" and is, therefor, someone I deal with regularly. (Sidebar:  Hmmm.  Fantastical Engineers, Adorable Little Contractors and Beautiful Construction Workers!  I seem to like the rugged ones don't I?  Don't know what that's about...  Anyway!)

The first conversation I ever remember having with him was about his iPhone.  He had an iPod Nano attached to his shirt, and an iPhone in his pocket.  We discussed the fact that he doesn't put his music on his iPhone.  "Then what's the point," I wondered.  He told me how he'd dropped his first iPhone down an elevator shaft, and though he had paid so much money for it, and though they don't offer replacement plans for them he "had" to have another one.  And then he let me play with it.

Nice as it might be, there was no double entendre there. I played with his iPhone for a few minutes.  After that, I was hooked.  That very day I ran out, with my "new cell phone fund" and bought my very own 16G iPhone.  I couldn't wait to get it home and activate it and load it up and have my new functioning iPhone.  Activation was a piece of cake.  I had my phone service switched to the new phone in less than 10 minutes.  I love my iPhone.  The music on the other hand was a nightmare. I hate my iPhone.

I started to sync my music and it was dragging.  Taking several seconds for each song.  It loaded about 300 songs (I have over 3000) and it errored out.  I hate my iPhone.  I restarted it and it picked up where it left off.  This time it ws going faster (I love my iPhone) but it still was taking hours.  When I finally gave up to go to bed, I found that it still had about 800 songs to go.  I left it to finish and I went to bed. I hate my iPhone.

Out of my 300+ albums, my iTunes has located album art for all but about 12-15 of them.  I was looking forward to listening to my new iPhone, and enjoying the larger view of the album art and the "cover flow" feature.  Imagine my dismay when I picked up my phone the next morning and found that only the first 300 songs had album art and all the rest of the albums had the "no art" graphic of the music notes. I love my iPhone.  I hate my iPhone.

I had no time to deal with it, I had to go to work.  I would try again that evening.  That evening the exact same thing happened.  This time I was determined to babysit it!  I was awake until after 2:00 in the morning, only to find that the exact same scenario played out again.  I hate my iPhone.  So I did what any one would do.  I called in sick to work so I could fix it.  :) Any excuse not to go to work.  I love my iPhone!

I ended up having to uncheck all the music in my library and then recheck them a group at a time (I did alphabetically) and sync it and then resync it and then re-resync it, over and over again until I had all the music on my iPhone with the album art.  I hate my iPhone.  It took a lot of jumping through hoops to do it but once it was set up it was great and I loved my new iPhone. I was even rational enough to know that I was dealing with an Apple product and it was only a matter of time before something bigger and better (and cheaper) came out.  This was in April.  I didn't know then about the 3G model, but I knew it was only a matter of time...

So it came as no surprise when I heard about the "twice as fast for half the price" 16G iPhone 3G.  And then I found out about the 2.0 version of the software for my archaic iPhone.  It's new and exciting! Of course I had to load it up!

I did not know that this new software would wipe my iPhone clean and then take hours to load.  This was yet another overnight endeavor.  I hate my iPhone.  But when it was done all my music was there, and I had the Apps store!  I lay in bed for three hours that Saturday morning, surfing the apps store, and loading every free application I thought I might even be sort of interested in, I could always delete them later if I wanted to.  I love my iPhone.  Downloading software version 2.0 was the worst thing I've ever done with my iPhone.  It's just been one problem after another!  I hate my iPhone!

A month or two ago, there was an update to the software.  Version 2.0.2.  I went ahead and downloaded that because it must only be an improvement, right?  Now my updates won't download.  The Apps store tells me there are updates and right now I have this lovely little red circle with a white 5 in it hovering over the corner of my Apps Store button.  But if I try to install the updates it tells me that I've already "purchased" this application and that if I'm having trouble downloading the App, I should select "check for purchases" in iTunes.  I hate my iPhone.  When I follow these instructions I get an error message from iTunes telling me that some of my Applications couldn't load because there was an "unknown error".  I've gotten this message before, and the number of applications not loading properly is growing.  I hate my iPhone.

So last night, for the third or fourth time, I connected my iPhone to my computer to try and resolve this issue with iTunes.  For the second time, iTunes reflected the 10+G of music I have as "other".  I disconnected my iPhone from my computer and went into the iPod function.  "You have not loaded any music." it says. (I'm sure I'm paraphrasing.)  Bullshit I didn't load any music.  I don't have 12G of "other" on here.  So I had to restore my iPhone.  I hate my iPhone. I have had to "restore" my iPhone on three separate occasions, and the only good thing I can say is that the first two times my music reloaded with no issues.  (I love my iPhone?)

I started the restore process on my iPhone last night at around 5:30 p.m.  iTunes loaded about 300 songs and errored out.  I looked in iPod and the music was there but with no album art.  I restarted the sync and it picked up where it left off.  I hate my iPhone.  I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and it was still syncing.  I hate my iPhone.  I got up at 7:00 this morning and looked at my computer.  No longer syncing.  I wasn't sure if it was done or not so I restarted the sync and it started loading music again.  It had over 800 of my over 3000 songs to load.  I walked away and started my morning routine.  When I left for work at 8:20 it had only loaded about 120 songs.  I had to manually stop it so I could leave.  I hate my iPhone.

Ironically, all the music it loaded in my second attempt last night, and my third attempt this morning does have album art.  I love my iPhone a little bit.  The first three hundred songs however, have no album art.  I'll have to uncheck those albums resync my phone, let it delete those albums and sync the last 700+ songs and then recheck those albums and resync it again!  If all goes well, it'll load all the remaining music and all the album art that goes with it.  If all does not go well, I may pull a Russell Crowe and throw my iPhone at the head of one of the "Geniuses".  I hate my iPhone.

For those of you keeping score at home, there are far more hates than there are loves.  But at $500.00, I better love the hell out of my iPhone.

The truth is, I love my iPhone.  I really love the concept of my iPhone.  And if and when they get all these bugs worked out, I will petition the state of California for a marriage license for me and my iPhone.  But until that happens, my iPhone is my bitch!  It complicates my life.  It's uncooperative.  It points and laughs at me.  And it tells me that I'll never be truely happy.

Come to think of it, I think I am my iPhone's bitch.

Nun war heute der Tag gekommen. Ich begab mich morgens, nüchtern, zur Klinik in der diese Eingriff gemacht werden sollte. Anders als beim ersten mal, bei dem ich in örtlicher Betäubung beschnitten wurde, passierte es diesesmal unter Vollnarkose. Nach kurzer Wartezeit bekam ich einen Kittel und Bademantel, sollte mich umziehen und ich zu meinem Bett begeben. Nach einigen Minuten kam die Urologin vorbei und setzte mir persönlich die Nadel für die spätere Narkose und ich besprach nochmals mit ihr den Schnitt und wie das Ergebniss werden sollten. Nach wiederholter Wartezeit (ein weiterer Patient meiner Ärztin, hatte vor mir eine Operation) wurde ich in den OP Saal gebracht und sollte mich auf den Operationstisch legen. Dort wurde mir der Tropf mit dem Narkosemittel an die Nadel angeschlossen, die vorher verlegt wurde. Ein weiterer Assistent überwachte meinen Puls etc. Sehr bald sagt die Anästesistin, dass es mir etwas sein komisch wird. Ich bemerkte auch schon dieses komische Gefühl,... Als ich wieder aufwachte, lag ich im meinem Bett aus dem ich vor einiger Zeit zum OP Saal gegangen war. Schmerzen hatte ich keine, nur ein leichtes Brennen wie bei ersten Operation. Mancheiner kennt dieses brennen, wenn er sich mal mit dem Messer in den Finger geschnitten hat. Die Krankenpflegerinnen fragten mich ob alles ok wäre und ob ich etwas zu trinken haben möchte. Ich entschied mich für den angebotenen Pfefferminztee. Zu dem Tee brachte Sie mir noch 2 Zwieback mit dem Kommentar, dass ich ja seit langem nicht gegessen haben müsste. Nach ca. 30 Minuten fragte sie mich ob alles OK wäre und ob mein Kreislauf OK wäre. Ich bejahte die Frage und sie schlug mir vor mich umzuziehe, damit ich bald nach Hause gehen dürfte. Auch das nahm ich an und zog mich um damit mich in einem Ruheraum zum Warten setzen konnte. Dort  entfernte mir die Anästesistin die Nadel aus dem Arm und ich durfte, mit meiner mittlerweile eingetroffenen Freundin, die Klinik verlassen.

Zuhause angekommen merkte ich immer wieder leichtes Zwicken. Als ich mal nachschaute, sah ich dass das Verband an der Stelle des Frenulum blutig war. Um weiteren Risiken vorzubeugen habe ich mich nun aufs Sofa gelegt und schreibe den Beitrag. Morgen soll ich den Verband entfernen. Alleine! Nicht wie letztes Mal, als mir der Arzt den Verband runterriss. Dann wird sich zeigen wie gut es geworden ist.

Danke für alle die hier mitlesen. Ich hoffe ich habe nicht zu viel geschrieben habe. Mir war einfach.

Je ne m'en cache pas, j'aime bien voir un fouillis autour de moi, mais là, c'est le comble. Voilà le bordel accumulé de mon dernier rush, en lien surtout avec l'achat de notre maison.
Si vous vous demandez pourquoi cette photo, c'est un tague qui commence à faire le tour de la blogosphère, initiée par Dominic Arpin, que m'a lancé bien gentiment Patrick Dion. Je suis censé taguer quelques personnes, mais non, je ne le ferai pas, ma tête tourne juste à penser qui choisir. Par contre, je vous invite tous à faire de même, si vous ne l'avez pas déjà fait : j'ai hâte de voir combien répondront à l'appel.

Tant qu'à être dans le léger... je vous laisse avec cette photo envoyée par Reblochon.

I'm making an extra special effort to respond to the gR0w y0uR p3Ni5 spam!

I hate spam.

You can go to h3LL! beacuse my p3Ni5 is just fine.

^{Thank god for gmail which has ultimate blocking and punching power against the dreaded V1aGrA!}

dupa ce mam intors azi acasa...gasesc un link de la colegul meu claudiu pe mess, cu urmatoarea poza......ma doare si pe mine numai cand ma uit la asa ceva...

*Paul Rodgers?  Really??? Take the Viagra money & pay George Michael to tour with you.

**Is it really necessary for men to continually tout the beauty of Palin?  I know for damn sure that if I were to tell someone I was voting for Obama because he's "hot," I would not be taken too seriously.  I would get some press... Obama Girl.

***Not me, Not now.  My mama raised me right.

PS Obama & Palin get underlined by spell check but McCain doesn't??? Further proof of this white patriarchal society :)

Aţi citit PENIS? No, no, no, acolo scrie Parents :)

First of all, it's just nasty. The visual image of raw, bloody flesh being hurled by speakers is obviously grotesque on any level.

Secondly, and most importantly, I'll openly admit I have a dirty mind, while most people keep it to themselves. As a result, each mention of "red meat" immediately goes through a translator in my brain and comes out "penis" or "wiener."

So, when ever a commentator on any of the networks (they all use the term) says, "She was really giving the red meat to the crowd!" or "He had no red meat in his speech," I immediately hear, "She was really giving the wiener to the crowd!" or "He had no penis in his speech!"

You know you think it too.

I know they want to use colorful language, but I vote for sticking with "substance."

Okay. I just looked up synonyms for "substance" and "meat" was listed. I might be out-voted on this one.

But it's still distracting. So it gets a PENIS! I mean a VETO!

"In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes".

This well worn saying has been quoted and misquoted in hundreds of different ways in the forty years since Warhol first coined it [1].

Bad Scientist Ben Goldacre, in his keynote speech* at Science Blogging (sciblog) 2008, highlighted one of these deliberate misquotes, which he attributed to NTK.net (Need To Know: Britain's most sarcastic high-tech weekly newsletter). It goes a little something like this:

"On the internet everybody can be world famous for fifteen people".

This wonderful expression captures the nature and scale of science blogging on the internet today in a nutshell. Personally, I think it also sums up much of the spirit of the Science Blogging 2008 conference as well. In total, around eight groups of fifteen people, attended the conference. It was physically impossible to talk to all of them in one day, especially since I had to slink off early at 7pm, but I did manage to meet the following people:

Fifteen random people I've never met before

Fifteen people I've never met before (virtually or actually), nice to meet you all!

1. Martin Robbins of leyscience.net
2. Jeff Marlow, rocket scientist, starting PhD at Caltech working on the next mission to Mars (wow!). Currently working at Imperial College London (and absorbing soccer football culture - but has given up on understanding cricket - I don't blame you mate!)
3. Scott Kier, Royal Society, who hosted an enjoyable and lively unconference session "bored of blogging: how to keep motivated"
4. Jenny Beard British Association for the Advancement of Science, see the Fantastic Big Question web site, e.g. Will the LHC in CERN create a black hole, and why should we NOT be worried about it? Ian Mulvany isn't convinced
5. Ed Yong Cancer Research UK, not exactly a rocket scientist, see European genes mirror european geography
6. Prateek Buch, University College London Genetics / clinical trials, is he obsessed with penises? Probably, aren't all blokes obsessed with the size of their manhood?
7. Hungarian biologist Victor Poór who draws funny cartoons
8. Edinbugh ecat? electronic laboratory notebook bloke whose exact name and software I've forgotten. Damn.
9. Coracle (takes his name from a gene/protein he worked on in fruit flies), when he is away from the bench he hangs around at badscience.net
10. Marco Boscolo, Bologna, Italy XML is his DJ
11. Biologist-cum-statistician Bob O'Hara, who looks nothing like the cat shown in his profile picture.
12. Government bods from DIUS, must have been Mike Rose? probably and Steph Gray defintely, see DIUS sciblog report. I liked the demo of how to embed funky DIUS widgets in your website (techie note to self: WordPress strips out <script> tags so I can't embed widgets here. Doh!
13. Hilary Spencer(?), Nature New York, she must be the person responsible for sanity checking submissions for managing the development of Nature Precedings
14. Victor Henning, who works on Mendeley which helps you to "manage, share and discover academic knowledge".
15. Bronwen Dekker, who works on Nature Protocols, see picture of the Dekkers (who kindly obliged my very amateur photography)
    

Fifteen people I met in person (at last!)

Fifteen people I finally met in person, having virtually "met" online by reading their publications, blog posts or through email contact.

1. Raf Aerts (Raffa), Tropical Ecologist, had an interesting chat with him about the Ethiopian mountains, where he does his field work, home to the bone-dropping Lammergayers. Makes me wish I'd never given up field work.
2. Alexsander Griekspoor, who now works on Mekentosj.com and "Papers" full-time
3. Henry Gee, the croc-wearing phenomenon and sciblographer
4. Richard P. Grant (RPG), University of Sydney, (Note to self: find out how he convinced his department heads to pay for his round-the-world trip!). Not to be confused with RPG or Richard E. Grant (women tell me the latter isn't as sexy)
5. Roland Krause, finally we meet for real to take notes from the biomass
6. Graham Steel, Journal of Visualised Experiments (JOVE) blogger (we are all scientists now) I think we have the same sense of humour. Must be a Scottish thing, I'm sure I've got some scottish in me somewhere (not just in my name). While I don't have a visible ginger gene, I sometimes get tingles down my spine when I hear bagpipes. Also, after several pints of Deuchars IPA, I can even sound like I'm scottish too. Och aye! Does that make me Scottish?
7. Maxine Clark, Nature editor extraordinaire "the world needs more editors"! (not scientists?)
8. Heather Etchevers, France, who is wondering what to do with all her conference notes
9. Chemist and informatician Egon Willighagen, see his sciblog report
10. Li Kim Lee, runs Nature Network London
11. Matt Brown, runs Nature Network London and organised a scientific pub crawl in London town. Mr. Barman, I'd like five pints of your finest beer science, preferably the bitter English variety, not the fizzy American stuff.
12. Brian Clegg who came out with one of my favourite quotes from the conference, "there aren't too many scientists in the world, there are too many biologists. What the world needs is more physicists, chemists, mathematicians, engineers etc" - or words to that effect. Discuss. He also argues that Scientists alone aren't enough to communicate science to the general public. Hmmmm.
13. Jennifer Rohn, partly responsible for lablit.com when she's not pondering the celebrity geek phenomenon
14. Martin Fenner, see his His Paper Writing Dream Machine version 1.0
15. Matt Wood, Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute informatics-type. I'm glad somebody likes my impact factor boxing joke. Ha ha, where's the punchline? I'm looking forward to seeing the Sanger bioinformatics demo up at Amazon Web Services (with hadoop) sometime soon and hopefully attending Bar Camp in Cambridge (BarCamb) next year, which Matt organises.

Fifteen people I've met before

Fifteen people I've met before, good to catch up

1. Euan Adie, Nature (but no relation to Kate), he has seen the future and its bakeable, pass me the futuristic cheesey snacks Euan!
2. Alf Eaton, Nature, hublogger and hubmedder
3. Ian Mulvany, Nature, responsible for connotea (Ian, Alf, Euan: thanks for the free lunch!)
4. Timo Hannay, Nature, manages all the webby people.
5. Chemist Peter Murray-Rust, University of Cambridge
6. Chemist Jean-Claude Bradley. We are looking forward to your gig in Manchester tomorrow.
7. Aussie Chemist Cameron Neylon, Rutherford Appleton Laboratory (RAL) and University of Southampton, blogs at OpenWetWare
8. Mind Hacker Vaughan Bell, who helped me understand the crucial differences between the Royal Society and the Royal Institution (I'll tell you later). He's off to Colombia, not Columbia the University in North America , but Colombia the country in South America (it sounds very similar in spoken language). Bon voyage, Vaughan.
9. The totally zen Mike Barton, busy releasing bioinformatics survey results (under a CC-BY license of course)
10. Anna Kushnir, Nature (but not a big fan of PubMed). You and me both.
11. Corie Lok, Nature, organises Nature Network Boston
12. Attila Csordas, who likes the "equalising" effect of blogging. Oh yes indeed.
    
13. Andrew Walkingshaw, see his talk on Linked data and scientific publishing, is the "linked data" bandwagon just a rebadged and repackaged semantic web? I dunno. Discuss.
14. Oh b*ggeration! (imaginary friend 1)...
15. ...I can't quite fill this list to fifteen (imaginary friend 2)

Fifteen people I didn't meet

Fifteen people I didn't get the chance to speak to, maybe next time. So many people, so little time...

1. Marc West, a podcaster responsible for the Mr. Science Show
2. Ben Goldacre, medic and journalist, I've got a stack of nerdy questions about badscience.net and big bad pharma that will have to wait for another time
3. Simon Frantz, one of the people behind the nobelprize.org website
   
4. Clare Dudman Keeper of the snails, did a great session on creativity
5. Gia Millinovich so how come we rarely see you and your hubby Professor Brian Cox in Manchester?
6. Those Digital Curation Centre (DCC) people (Martin Donnelly?) look interesting, eg. Digital Curation Blog: How to make repositories a killer app for scientists.
7. Professor David Colquhoun FRS. One of a handful of Professors (of Science) with a blog, and I'm pretty sure the only Fellow of the Royal Society (FRS) with a blog.
8. Aussie journalist Zoë Corbyn from Times Higher Education, didn't get the chance to hassle her about writing that myexperiment news article soon.
9. David Bradley of Science Base
10. Oliver Obst head of the medical library of the University of Munster, see Science Blogging 2008 London: Nachmittag (Ja!)
    
11. Gavin Bell, Nature, hand held blogger
12. Charlotte Stoddart, podcaster (or should that be "podder"?), see her podcasting Ben Goldacre here
13. Simon Hughes, British Library
14. Dr Aust who likes to vent his spleen
15. Brain Duck who is trying to understand uncertainty

Actually there are a lot more than fifteen people I'd like to meet, there is the other sixty as well.

Fifteen Science Professors blogging?

Phew! That's four groups of fifteen people, around half the total conference attendance. A very interdisciplinary bunch, just like leafing through a copy of Nature, you get genetics on one page, climate change on the next followed by missions to Mars to wrap it all up. I think this is something special that makes Nature and Nature Network unique.

The striking thing is, with a few exceptions, most conference attendees, nature networkers and bloggers are relatively young. Why don't more senior scientists blog? This is a challenge Timo Hannay and PMR posed at the end of the conference, "get more senior scientists blogging". There is a BIG prize up for grabs, an all expenses paid trip to the next Science Foo Camp (scifoo) in the Googleplex, California (August 2009). Details to be posted online soon. Maybe this will mean science blogging 2009 will have fifteen senior Professors in the audience?

And finally, if you are one of the ~ fifteen (or so) people reading this O'Really? blog, thanks for visiting. I hope you enjoy my random ramblings, I certainly enjoy writing them. For any Professors out there reading this (I know a few that do), when will you start blogging? Now, blogging is no substitute for peer-review, but it certainly fills some of the gaping holes that traditional scientific publishing leaves in the web. What are you waiting for?

References

1. Andy Warhol (1968) (volume released to mark his exhibition in Stockholm, February–March, 1968) "Warhol, Andy" The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. Ed. Elizabeth Knowles. Oxford University Press, 2004. Oxford Reference Online.
2. Journal of the Hyperlinked Organisation (JOHO) famous to fifteen people
3. Wikipedia: Fifteen minutes of fame

* A video of Ben Goldacre's talk should be available online soon.

(Creative Commons licensed picture of Marilyn Monroe by Andy Warhol, "stolen" from the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) New York by oddsock)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

Tomorrow is supposed to be the last day of the main project:  The sink gets plumbed in.  The fixures (i.e. towel rods, toilet paper dispenser, etc.) get installed.  The mirror and storage cupboard get hung.  I hope the door, door frame, window frame and shutters get painted, and the door rehung.  And there's still a few baseboard tiles to get grout.  Friday Adorable Little Contractor is off to Oregon.  I still don't have a shower curtain rod, or a makeshift shower curtain.

Wheeler Dealer Land Lady was referred to a showroom where she should be able to find an existing shower curtain rod.  But apparently, it won't be installed until Monday, September 15th.  So I'm looking at over a week of using the trickle at the office.  The charm has definitely worn off...  Not that I didn't get myself a good wank in their anyway, but the new has worn off and without some company, it's just not what it could be.  Today I revisited the Fantastical Engineer services me and my undercarriage while I rub one out on his shiny bald head fantasy.  I need to come up with something new...

Anyway, someone from a company called "Mr. Bathtub" is coming on Saturday, September 13, 2008 to "redo" my bathtub.  I don't really know what that means, I just know that my bath tub is supposed to be shiny and pristine and new looking so it will fit in with the rest of the newly redone bathroom!

Adorable Little Contract comes back on September 15th to hang the shower curtain rod, grout the gap between the tub and the tile and resolve any open items that haven't been solved.

It's kind of funny, but there's a part of me that is sad that it's ending.  Scared kitty will be glad it's over as he has been spending his days locked up in the kitchen with no soft furniture to sleep on and where it gets somewhat steamy.  But I can't have him roaming free while ALC is trying to do his work and often needs to leave the front door open.  I admit that I expected to see more of ALC.  I got the impression from him at the beginning of this endeavor that he'd be working long days and that I'd see him, probably before I left for work and almost certainly when I got home.  In a strange way, when this first started, I almost felt like I had a husband to come home too (and I could certainly have done worse.)  I expected more discussions about schedules and when we'd see each other and the like.  I guess, truthfully I'm grateful that we didn't interact more, since his presence is a disruption for me, but I hoped for more contact.

The more I think about it, the more I think he very well might be a Friend of Dorothy.  I recall that his use of pronouns (In his limited discussion about himself) never went beyond "we".  He never talked about "she" or "my wife" or "my girlfriend".  Though, admittedly he also never talked about a boyfriend or husband.  It has been extremely hot these last two weeks and I don't have air conditioning which means that it's been quite hot in my house while he works.  I've seen him in shorts twice now - and he has great calves. He seems not to have much (if any) hair on his legs either.  He's as 'average white" as I am so it's not like he's likely of a heritage that doesn't grow much body hair.  I do believe he's blond but not super light to where his body hair should be unnoticeable... Of course I realize there are all kinds of simple explanations for this that don't make him gay, but then again, maybe he is...  He has a great little ass and small waist too!

Tonight, as I was gathering the ingredients for my dinner, my front door open but outer gate closed and locked and with me wearig no clothes, I daydreamed/fantacized about him coming back to the house to do more work and letting himself in never expecting to find me naked.  My fantacy didn't go beyond the awkward...

ALC: Oh!  I'm sorry, I didn't realize...

Me: Oh my God.  I didnt' think...  I'm sorry...  I'll just go put some clothes on...  Unless...  Well, unless you like what you see, in which case I won't... 'Cause I've been thoroughly enjoying what I've been seeing...

The fantacy didn't go beyond that point, but wouldn't it have been nice...

Foi então que descobri uma pessoa invisível chamada Deus, e agora sou um respeitado pastor numa das igrejas mais respeitadas do Iraque, "Santo Alaiji Osama Balum dos Ateístas".

Agora espero só peço perdão a Deus, e espero que ele perdoe todos aqueles que pegaram HIV de mim também.

Jack fell down and broke his crown And Jill Came tumbling after.

Let's dismiss other interpritations. This is not about a murder suicide or a double suicide or drug overdose. That reads far too deep into a simple ryhme. Rather it's about a man and woman in a marriage. We've all heard the old proverb of drinking from your own vessel right? This means you should only get wet with your own mate. So if they were going up a "hill" (the uphill struggle that is marriage) to fetch a "pale of water"(sex), it's obvious that "Jack" was trying to get his wife off. When this seemed too hard to do Jack "fell down" (ran off). Then the ryhme says he "broke his crown". A crown could be his head or something that sits on his head. In our day and age head has two meanings, so crown must have two meanings. Let's say that head means his penis. A crown on the penis is a condom. So when Jack left Jill on the hill and broke his crown, we could say that he had an affair and the condom broke. No wonder Jill came tumbling after. I mean who wants to be in a marriage with an unfaithful companion?

So there you have it. Jack and Jill is about a failed marriage. What happened to Jack after this? Find out in the next part of this series Jack Be Nimble.

Internet, I'm sorry I've kept this from you, but let's face reality. If I had told you of my plan I would have been forced to stick with it in order to avoid harsh judgment, criticism and chastising in the event that I failed.

Internet, to be entirely honest, it wasn't that difficult. For an hour. People always say that the first three days are the hardest. I call shenanigans. The first three days were pretty simple mostly because I was so fucking hungover from drinking the entire day before. (It was my birthday remember? I turned 24? God, Internet. Sometimes I think you smoke too much weed. And if IIIII think you smoke too much weed, well, then that's a lot of weed.) Where was I? Right. I was so fucking hungover (for three days) that the idea of a cigarette literally sent me hurling over the porcelain wanna-be goddess (read: piece of shit) that is my bathroom toilet. Three times.

Internet, the real challenge came a week later when I realized that I had significantly underestimated the work involved with my new editor gig. Fucking honestly, there is a reason that writer's are addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. That's not a stereotype. Well, actually it totally is. Ahem. Anyway.

Internet, I will admit that I've had a few glorious love affairs with cigarettes since the day I quit. I've tricked myself into thinking that I'm fine as long as I don't buy them. So, yes, maybe there have been a few instances where I've batted my eyelashes to score a free smoke. (Hey. I'm not above that. And I never said the victim was a dude either. What?! You go with what works!)

Internet, I've also given up tanning beds which only means one thing: Not only have I already begun to regain weight from not smoking, but now I'm going to be pale? What kind of sick world is this? Honestly, I don't know who the fuck I am anymore. Now I'm just going to have to find a new way to contract cancer.

Internet, I know what you're thinking: "What's next? Coffee?" BACK THE FUCK UP, YO. There's no way in Hell that's happening, so get that sick idea out of your head right now. Ahem.

Internet, in one month I've come a long way from this:

(For those of you blissfully unaware, that is a straw. Shaped like a cock. A penis straw, if you will. A penis straw through which I smoked a cigarette. Not surprisingly, that shit totally worked.)

...why is everyone buying into this?

Now, let me start off by saying I consider myself independent, and really hold no "affiliation" with either political party. The only reason I'm currently a registered democrat is because the stupid city where I live said in order to vote in the primary, even though it was said independents were allowed to vote in the primary for either republicans or democrats, I had to declare a side and vote for only that side. So, since the democratic vote seemed more worth the effort, I became a democrat just for those few minutes in voting.

What I'm ranting about and annoyed about here, is people using Palin as a platform for the feminist movement. Now, I'm all for women's rights. Trust me, I'm a woman. For me not to be would idiotic. However, I don't support the whole Sarah Palin issue.

My reasons as for why are as follows:

1. This is an obvious attempt to get Hillary followers from the republican party. This wasn't done for the movement towards equality in genders. This was done purely for votes and publicity.
2. To even put a woman on the ticket to try and "sway" female voters insults the intelligence of women in America. Now if you support the platforms McCain and Palin stand on, then by all means, vote for them. Vote for what they stand for, not for what gender they are.
3. Some of the people supporting Palin are just completely brainwashed idiotic people, in my opinion. I watched a few bipartisan discussions regarding McCain's pick of Palin, and whenever anyone from the democratic side merely mentioned they were worried about her experience, it automatically became an insult to all women in America. WHAT? Are we SERIOUS? If we as women in this country want to be treated as equals, as independent strong individuals, then stop GENERALIZING EVERYTHING!

Now I know, probably in me saying all this, I'm going to get some comment or some message saying I really don't support feminism in the United States, and will sway it in some way saying I'm really writing this just to support Obama, or some other fabricated bullshit.

Let me get this out of the way. For all of you who think this way of me, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm not trying to make either party seem better than the other. What I'm annoyed with is how people are getting soooooo bent out of shape over Sarah Palin being McCain's pick. Yes, it is nice we are in a time where a woman can possibly be vice president of the United States. And yes, it is also nice we are in a time where an African-American man can possibly be president of the United States. I'm definitely proud of how far we've come as a nation that either situation can happen. And I definitely support equality for both race and gender. However, I feel a big step towards equality is to stop generalizing, stop pointing out the differences and to start pointing out on the similarities.

We can only come together when we stop segregating and classifying ourselves. Race, nor creed, nor gender should be a factor in ANYTHING. ESPECIALLY in a country that is considered a melting pot!

We are human beings. Period.

As far as the election goes, yes, this is a historical election. My only hope is no matter how anyone votes, it is for the issues. Not for the fact one has all penises and one has a vagina in the mix or ones all pale and the other has a dark man in it. SHOCKER!

Remember, we are all just one race, the human race. And we all want to be treated as equals.

Let's start acting that way then.

Del 1. Summeringen
För några bloggar sedan gick tåget sönder (som alla andra gånger jag åkt med SJ, det är hittills 100% ofelbart, skit varje gång) och vi fick åka insatsbuss mellan KOPPARBERG och MJÖLBY. När vi väl kommer fram till Mjölby får vi vänta i regn, åska och mörker (mitt i natten) i fyra timmar utanför en låst station utan någon som helst information. Anländer cirka två på natten.

Del 2. Insikten
SJ inser att de sitter med pungen i rävsaxen och att de inte kan fortsätta tappa bollen på detta viset, och går ut hårt med löften om ersättning åt alla som råkat ut för något under deras regi.

Del 3. Bollen passas till SJ
Vi registrerar oss och beskriver vad vi råkat ut för, för att få ersättning. Våra biljetter kostade trots allt närmare tusenlappen tillsammans.

Del 3. Vem får inte följa med in på systeeeemeeeet? SJ som tappar bollen!
Några veckor senare får vi mail från SJ. De ursäktar "förseningen" (Gosh, är DET en försening? Trasiga tåg, obemannade stationer OCH obemannade tåg! Jaja, det var bara en MISS i planeringen, visst? Om det är en "försening" skulle jag inte vilja vara i närheten av era screw-ups.) och ger oss ersättning. I form av 180 kronors rabatt på en framtida biljett.

Här tar vi en liten paus för reflektion. Låt det sjunka in. Smaka på det. En framtida biljett.

Vad SJ är fruktansvärt, plååågsamt, medvetna om - är att de är enda alternativet. Vi har inget val mer än att ta emot deras skit. Och för att inte tappa en kund (som de gjort, nu är det fan i helvete nog) så försöker dom försäkra sig om att jag ska fortsätta "åka" (dvs krångla) med dom genom att hålla min ersättning gisslan. Okej, ersättningen är meningslös på flera olika sätt - och jag radar här upp dessa.

a) 180 kronor rabatt innebär att jag ändå måste betala flera hundra (som en biljett kostar när jag ska åka hem) för att få ut "ersättningen". Jag får alltså aldrig några pengar tillbaka. Snarare måste jag lägga ut MER pengar på SJ. En biljett som kostade närmare femhundringen, som de inte på något sätt levererade eller skötte sig på. Betala 500 spänn, få INGENTING och betala sen lite mer. För vi är SJ, vi är staten.

b) Att kunna utnyttja denna utlovade rabatt är sedan heller ingen dans på rosor. Inte nog med att man inte kan ta ut den via en konduktör på något tåg (konduktörerna har visat sig sakna funktion ö.h.t. utöver att kräva mer pengar av alla resenärer än vad man först planerat), eller få ut den när man lydigt ställer sig och krånglar med deras skitautomater som finns gömda i ett par vrår. Nej då. Man kan inte ens få ut rabatten när man beställer via internet! Man måste RINGA ETT SPECIALNUMMER och få skiten VIA TELEFON. Här stannar jag inte för nån reflektion, här bara kör jag på för nu är fan i hela helvetet måttet förbannat skitrågat! Man ska alltså ringa deras vidriga kundtjänstnummertjosan och hamna i nån jävla kö för att få ta ut rabatt på en biljett man egentligen inte vågar köpa eftersom de ändå inte kommer hålla något.

c) Eftersom man helst aldrig mer vill åka med SkitJärnvägar betyder det att rabatten är meningslös. Skulle man nu mot all förmodan behöva tvingas åka med de hämningslösa klåparna igen så måste man skynda sig, för det finns en tidsbegränsning på rabatten. Jajjemän, ni hörde rätt. Ersättningen blev reducerad till ett nonchalant och tidsbegränsat rabatterbjudande. SJ hittar bara nya sätt att bajsa det svenska folket i ögonen och lägga en sats i näsan på oss. Det tackar vi ju för. Tack tack, nu har ni verkligen bett om ursäkt.

I warned ya.

Today I was looking through the blog stats. And as I am wont to do, I analyzed the numbers. I discovered some interesting things:

·         I had 2053 visitors in August. 93 of you fuckers left comments. Freaking lurkers.  

·         Top two ways people get to my blog: Facebook and Tag clouds in Wordpress

·         Top Wordpress tag that leads to my blog: phallic symbol

·         Top three posts:

o        Just Another Random Penis

o        Phallic Symbol Stress Blogging – Redux

o        Who is The Demigod?

·         Most clicked link: www.busydadblog.com (yey!)

·         My readership grew by 36% from July

Let’s see how September will be. If you have a blog, please pimp me out coz my target is a 37% increase for the month of September. LOL.

Oh, and the single most disturbing thing I discovered:

• One person got to my blog after he googled uncut dildo with “movable skin”

I shit you not.